Help

I was in Cambridge yesterday and as I was wandering around the town, I heard a loud car alarm going off again and again. Just like everyone else around me, I ignored it. But when I got closer to the sound, I realised not only that it was coming from a Royal Mail van, but that in between each burst of the alarm, a disembodied female voice was delivering the following message in a perfect sci-fi staccato: "Help. Help. This Post Office vehicle is under attack. Please phone the police." And next to the van was an embarrassed postman desperately trying to switch off his vehicle's security system! This brought a smile to all of us who walked past the hapless deliverer of our junk. So we all radiated gratitude towards him as we left him to his struggles.