Just One Problem
I'm told I shouldn't eavesdrop on other people's conversations. My defence is that I never make a conscious effort to listen in. If certain sounds are loud enough to reach my ears, there's not very much I can do about that. And anwyay, why would I want to deprive myself of little gems like the one I recently overheard at King's Cross?
Picture a waif-like, 20-something blond - half her face covered by massive white sunglasses - talking on her mobile.
"Yah, but listen, listen, I've got to tell you something. ... I was putting my bins out the other day... What? No, they've changed it, it's Tuesdays now, but anyway, doesn't matter. Remember Hollie told me that her boss lives next door to me? ... Hollie with the mole. ... No, she hasn't had it removed, that was Gemma. Hollie's the one who's the marketing consultant. ... That's her. But anyway, listen to me. The bitch never told me her boss is good looking. And I mean really good looking. I mean seriously really. ... He was putting his bins out at the same time as me, and I just thought, 'Oh my God, there is no way that is Hollie's boss!' I mean, what a bitch. ... And I just said, 'Hi, are you Hollie's boss?' and he was like, 'Yah', and I was like, 'Oh fab. I'm her best friend,' and oh my God, you should've seen his smile. ... No, no ring. I'm pretty sure Hollie told me he's single. But anyway, later that day, I called Hollie and I was waiting for her to say something, but she didn't say a word, so I was like, 'I bumped into your boss this morning,' and she just went, 'Aha,' and I said, 'We chatted for ages,' and she goes, 'Aha,' and I said, 'Did he mention me at all?' and she just went, 'No.' But I know she's lying. I'm totally convinced she's lying. Bitch. I know he mentioned me to her. She's gotta be lying. ... Yah, yah, yah, I know, but I reckon I'm gonna go round to his later this week and say I've got a problem or something, like I can't flush the toilet, or something like that. I'll think of something. ... No, I mean properly good looking. ... Yah ... But there's just one problem. ... His name's Cliff."
And that was when I had to catch my train.
Picture a waif-like, 20-something blond - half her face covered by massive white sunglasses - talking on her mobile.
"Yah, but listen, listen, I've got to tell you something. ... I was putting my bins out the other day... What? No, they've changed it, it's Tuesdays now, but anyway, doesn't matter. Remember Hollie told me that her boss lives next door to me? ... Hollie with the mole. ... No, she hasn't had it removed, that was Gemma. Hollie's the one who's the marketing consultant. ... That's her. But anyway, listen to me. The bitch never told me her boss is good looking. And I mean really good looking. I mean seriously really. ... He was putting his bins out at the same time as me, and I just thought, 'Oh my God, there is no way that is Hollie's boss!' I mean, what a bitch. ... And I just said, 'Hi, are you Hollie's boss?' and he was like, 'Yah', and I was like, 'Oh fab. I'm her best friend,' and oh my God, you should've seen his smile. ... No, no ring. I'm pretty sure Hollie told me he's single. But anyway, later that day, I called Hollie and I was waiting for her to say something, but she didn't say a word, so I was like, 'I bumped into your boss this morning,' and she just went, 'Aha,' and I said, 'We chatted for ages,' and she goes, 'Aha,' and I said, 'Did he mention me at all?' and she just went, 'No.' But I know she's lying. I'm totally convinced she's lying. Bitch. I know he mentioned me to her. She's gotta be lying. ... Yah, yah, yah, I know, but I reckon I'm gonna go round to his later this week and say I've got a problem or something, like I can't flush the toilet, or something like that. I'll think of something. ... No, I mean properly good looking. ... Yah ... But there's just one problem. ... His name's Cliff."
And that was when I had to catch my train.
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