Bide

Some things never change. Some things never stay the same. Is my task as a writer to find fresh ways of articulating what's been known since the beginning of time?

I watched an extraordinary documentary the other day called The Bridge which tells the stories of several people who decided to end their lives by leaping off San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge. The feeling running through all the interviews with the friends and relatives of the deceased was of an oddly serene, benevolent resignation. I wondered how different the film would have been if it had been made several decades ago. I expect most people would have refused to be interviewed. The shame would've been too much to bear. Attitudes change. Bridges remain favourite haunts of lost souls.

How many of our emotional responses are a result of our enslavement to the time in which we happen to exist? Do we ever experience moments when we truly break out of the constraints which bind us? If we did, would we recognise them? Is it depressing or liberating to consider that centuries ago, Plato and Socrates - as someone mentioned last week - were trying to work out which parts of our personalities come from within us and which ones are imposed upon us?

But I don't feel like being overly po-faced today, so I'm going to allow these musings to culminate in some excerpts from two books the Divine L and I bought for each other as presents last weekend: Don'ts For Wives and Don'ts For Husbands, both by Blanche Ebutt and both originally published in 1913.

If you can't find answers to the questions above then at least you can enjoy learning how we have and haven't changed over the years.

From Don'ts For Husbands:

- Don't shout when you are angry. It isn't necessary to let the children or the servants know all about it.
- Don't insist on having gorgonzola or other strong-smelling cheese on the table or the sideboard twice a day when you know the odour makes your wife feel ill. After all, it is a small thing to forgo in comparison with your wife's comfort.
- Don't encourage your wife to be hysterical. You need not be unkind, but you can firmly refuse to pity her.
- Don't begin your married life by expecting too much. If you expect little, you will be saved a good deal of disappointment.
- Don't forget that character is more important than genius. If your wife is a true woman, don't worry about the rest.

From Don'ts For Wives:

- Don't expect to know your husband inside and out within a month of marriage. For a long time you will be making discoveries; file them for future reference.
- Don't refuse to see your husband's jokes. They may be pretty poor ones, but it won't hurt you to smile at them.
- Don't forget to 'feed the brute' well. Much depends on the state of his digestion.
- Don't let your husband wear a violet tie with grass-green socks. If he is unhappily devoid of the colour sense, he must be forcibly restrained.
- Don't expect your husband to be an angel. You would get very tired of him if he were.

Comments

Lorraine said…
I have GOT to get my hands on those books!

"Po-faced"?
Blogger said…
I see from Amazon.com that the books are due to be re-printed in the States in April... but if you'd like to have them earlier, I'm sure something could be arranged...

I never realised 'po-faced' is an east-of-the-Atlantic expression. My quick Google search defines it as 'humourless and disapproving'.

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