Tear
In a week which saw hours of Christmas shopping, several new entries in the catalogue of errors encountered during the interminable Redecoration Of The Lounge and even a minor car accident (don't worry: everyone's fine), the main thing I don't seem to be able to shake out of my head is a press conference I heard on the radio the other day.
A spokeswoman for Anne Darwin (the Canoe Man's wife) was interviewed by the media upon Mrs Darwin's arrival in the UK. She stated that Mrs Darwin was very upset by the situation and by the distress it has caused to her children. She said Mrs Darwin was emotional and tired. And then one journalist asked, "Has she been tearful?"
There was a moment's hesitation, after which the spokeswoman replied, "Yes, at times she's been very tearful."
Naturally, I have no idea what all the facts of this case are. I can't help being fascinated by what's already been reported on the news and I find what we've been told about the Darwins' treatment of their children incomprehensible and cruel. But I was absolutely appalled by the journalist's desire to find out if Anne Darwin had shed any tears. It was very astute of the spokeswoman to say that yes, weeping had occurred, because the tabloids would have had a field day with the story of a woman who claims to be upset but hasn't cried.
It's so depressing to think that the Mass Psyche continues to operate on such simplistic levels:
The same sort of thing came up several months ago when Kate McCann's way of handling her daughter's disappearance was deemed suspicious by the tick-list-wielding editors of this land.
I realise our society can't function without making some use of stereotypes, but surely we've reached the stage where we know that grief does very different things to different people. I recently read a blog entry in which the author described one of his reactions to the shopping mall shooting in Nebraska: he went to a bar and found himself cracking jokes about the incident. Some would say this was nothing short of a healthy response. The Mass Psyche would probably call out a lynch mob.
Maybe this is somehow linked to the way death and discomfort have become taboo subjects in our culture? The processes of death and grieving are rarely discussed in an open way. (Yes, I know bereavement is the subject of many a talk show, but I suspect they come with stereotype-adhering tick lists too.) Discomfort is something to be shunned and pushed aside rather than a state to be dealt with and worked through intelligently. So maybe our relative lack of exposure to the more difficult aspects of life has led to the creation of a new form of ignorance: 'grief illiteracy'? And isn't the first response to ignorance to resort to stereotypes?
The media thrives on drama, there's no getting away from that. The Mass Psyche also needs vessels into which it can pour its insecurities and anxieties. But I do find myself slipping into a moment's despair when this country's most prestigious, most highly-respected news organisation allows itself to broadcast such simplistic and divisive sentiments. If anything they should be helping society come together: not letting the subject of a tear to tear people apart.
A spokeswoman for Anne Darwin (the Canoe Man's wife) was interviewed by the media upon Mrs Darwin's arrival in the UK. She stated that Mrs Darwin was very upset by the situation and by the distress it has caused to her children. She said Mrs Darwin was emotional and tired. And then one journalist asked, "Has she been tearful?"
There was a moment's hesitation, after which the spokeswoman replied, "Yes, at times she's been very tearful."
Naturally, I have no idea what all the facts of this case are. I can't help being fascinated by what's already been reported on the news and I find what we've been told about the Darwins' treatment of their children incomprehensible and cruel. But I was absolutely appalled by the journalist's desire to find out if Anne Darwin had shed any tears. It was very astute of the spokeswoman to say that yes, weeping had occurred, because the tabloids would have had a field day with the story of a woman who claims to be upset but hasn't cried.
It's so depressing to think that the Mass Psyche continues to operate on such simplistic levels:
tears = must be really remorseful: let's start being nice to her;
no tears = evil, selfish cow: let's drag her through filth.
no tears = evil, selfish cow: let's drag her through filth.
The same sort of thing came up several months ago when Kate McCann's way of handling her daughter's disappearance was deemed suspicious by the tick-list-wielding editors of this land.
I realise our society can't function without making some use of stereotypes, but surely we've reached the stage where we know that grief does very different things to different people. I recently read a blog entry in which the author described one of his reactions to the shopping mall shooting in Nebraska: he went to a bar and found himself cracking jokes about the incident. Some would say this was nothing short of a healthy response. The Mass Psyche would probably call out a lynch mob.
Maybe this is somehow linked to the way death and discomfort have become taboo subjects in our culture? The processes of death and grieving are rarely discussed in an open way. (Yes, I know bereavement is the subject of many a talk show, but I suspect they come with stereotype-adhering tick lists too.) Discomfort is something to be shunned and pushed aside rather than a state to be dealt with and worked through intelligently. So maybe our relative lack of exposure to the more difficult aspects of life has led to the creation of a new form of ignorance: 'grief illiteracy'? And isn't the first response to ignorance to resort to stereotypes?
The media thrives on drama, there's no getting away from that. The Mass Psyche also needs vessels into which it can pour its insecurities and anxieties. But I do find myself slipping into a moment's despair when this country's most prestigious, most highly-respected news organisation allows itself to broadcast such simplistic and divisive sentiments. If anything they should be helping society come together: not letting the subject of a tear to tear people apart.
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