Unbelievabilities
I wouldn't normally make an entry like this, but I also wouldn't normally watch the Parkinson show, so here goes...
Saturday night. ITV. Aforementioned Parkie. His final guest is Paul McCartney. Most of the chatter is of the blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda variety, but at one point, my ears go into red alert (red for livid, stinking, foot-stamping RAGE, you understand).
"Yeah, yeah, I've written a children's book," says Macca (not his exact words, please note). "Well, I didn't really write it. I told some people the story, and they went off and wrote it for me." (And I'm thinking, 'Oh, ok, cool, at least he's being honest.')
Parkie: What's it about?
Macca: Well, the main character is a squirrel. He's called Wirral the Squirrel. And one of the main themes of the book is the way we abuse the environment.
And at this point the knuckles on my right hand thanked me that I'm not a violent person, because the closet pugilist in me was ready to stride up to the TV screen and give Sir Paul of Macca a complete set of shattered pearlies. Why???! I'll tell you why!
Because my own recently-completed children's book - The Beginning Of The Story - features a character called... wait for it... Chirrel the Squirrel AND one of its themes is the way we absue the environment. That's why!
I could take some comfort from the fact that Chirrel isn't just a squirrel... but I don't. The only thing I can take is time to come up with a new character, because I can just see a literary agent accepting my story now!
Can you feel my fury, dear reader?
Changing the subject completely, someone I know came back from an American holiday recently and amused me with stories of 'how they do things differently there'. By far my favourite description was of their ATMs. You know how when you use an ATM and a message might flash up on screen saying something like, 'Would you like a receipt for this transaction?' and you get two options on screen: 'No' and 'Yes'. Well, apparently in Florida, the two options that appear on screen are: 'No, thanks' and 'Sure'. I didn't know whether to laugh or weep when I heard that.
Saturday night. ITV. Aforementioned Parkie. His final guest is Paul McCartney. Most of the chatter is of the blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda variety, but at one point, my ears go into red alert (red for livid, stinking, foot-stamping RAGE, you understand).
"Yeah, yeah, I've written a children's book," says Macca (not his exact words, please note). "Well, I didn't really write it. I told some people the story, and they went off and wrote it for me." (And I'm thinking, 'Oh, ok, cool, at least he's being honest.')
Parkie: What's it about?
Macca: Well, the main character is a squirrel. He's called Wirral the Squirrel. And one of the main themes of the book is the way we abuse the environment.
And at this point the knuckles on my right hand thanked me that I'm not a violent person, because the closet pugilist in me was ready to stride up to the TV screen and give Sir Paul of Macca a complete set of shattered pearlies. Why???! I'll tell you why!
Because my own recently-completed children's book - The Beginning Of The Story - features a character called... wait for it... Chirrel the Squirrel AND one of its themes is the way we absue the environment. That's why!
I could take some comfort from the fact that Chirrel isn't just a squirrel... but I don't. The only thing I can take is time to come up with a new character, because I can just see a literary agent accepting my story now!
Can you feel my fury, dear reader?
Changing the subject completely, someone I know came back from an American holiday recently and amused me with stories of 'how they do things differently there'. By far my favourite description was of their ATMs. You know how when you use an ATM and a message might flash up on screen saying something like, 'Would you like a receipt for this transaction?' and you get two options on screen: 'No' and 'Yes'. Well, apparently in Florida, the two options that appear on screen are: 'No, thanks' and 'Sure'. I didn't know whether to laugh or weep when I heard that.
